I own it, Do I?

15 May

find-it-own-it-change-it-david-james-lees

Early teenage years entertain it’s own perks, At 16, I was sure that I am made for something in the world. My life constantly planned encounters with people who would lift my morals, who’d encourage me to seek for a spark that is restless to ignite, own it, change it. And I bloomed in that cloud, high.I thought that I owned this beautiful world, I have the right to speak, fight, change, alter, recommend, make anything that I think is best for humanity. I Looked for opportunities, grabbed them utilized them. Making the best out of my life. It was wonderful, wonderful indeed.

Then?

Then I grew up. Teenage ended. And I came across, what I now call, the stubby truth.

There is nothing that I own completely. I am not an origin for any horizon. I am not a harbor for any ship that sails in infinity. There is nothing that welcomes my label, there is absolutely nothing that accepts to remain within the constraints of my fence. I know it, I’ve always known it. Then why was I always stupid enough that I kept trying? Hoping? and even hating the world for not being under control? I was silly, that I thought that if stars can be named after people, I’d have something too. It’s nothing. Nothing.

Having accepted that, I have silenced many questions. Questions like, Do I deserve what I got? thoughts like, People should make efforts to accept me, comfort me. That’s all a fat fantasy. It never happens.

It will never happen.

I am living in someone else’s world and I have to follow all the rules. Without questioning. It hurts, I wish someone would have explained me all of this earlier, but I guess, it’s synchronization of life.

gg

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