Hide and Seek

5 May

 Was never fond of it as an infant. It’s alluring as an adult.


I hide my flaws, those puny cracks that propagate finely through my soul. I curtain my faults, because I am so white for the rest of the world, a black stain would ruin that deception. And I love myself too much for that. Ouch! I sound self centered.

Once upon a time, my name wasn’t a success story. In fact, I had a feeble account to narrate which was illogical, unreasonable and boring. I use to begin with an admixture of all the known emotions and pitches, but no one hanged around for long. One breath, one blink, one sentence for the most. I mastered new arts of delivering, because I was helpless with the content. Monotonous much, it was MY story. Seeking an ear to hear me, I learned a new reaction, a new expression…. being cold, being numb.

Eventually, I gave up. Curtaining reality, I added everything that people appreciate and wanted to extract from a story. False emotions, tales of sleepless nights, amusing hobbies, sarcasm, failures, successes and what not. Results were instant. Attention, appreciation, companionship, everything knocked doors! I was overwhelmed. Years past by, and I kept on investing in this mysterious skill of transforming bad news into good news.My social media flooded with recognition upon partial truths. Hiding my true self, I was proud of the fake and diabolic me. And I never knew I was.

Now, when I am handful and practically have gathered enough. I seek my true story. All those hidden realities that I never confronted. My honest feelings, my genuine failures, my fair successes. Perfection doesn’t have a threshold, false perfection does. And I’ve reached that. The best and the worst thing about time is that it can’t be reverted back. There was a time when things were so vivid, that there was no room for confessions. Today, it’s other way round.

Like me, everyone else is playing hide and seek with them selves. Ironically, with no opponent. Either way, we win. Either way, we lose. I can’t ask you not to play this game. Because Darwin was accurate in putting forth his theory of the survival of the fittest. But I can confess and share – in the process of seeking my pure story. To be confident in calling it, MY STORY!



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Addiction, Mental Health, Stigma, Spirituality

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