Archive | Friends RSS feed for this section

Saudade

14 Sep

 

saudade_painting_by_mydeadflowers-d55ozy5

‘How come they have alphabets in mathematics?’ – I uttered.

I sneaked through the tall window repeatedly to confirm my soon to be planned allegation.

Laughing – naive to the concept of Algebra. Ironically, I was on ice that I was right and I could have launched a campaign on ORKUT about how absurd the teacher of class VI D was.

Walked back to my classroom to be seated on that wooden chair where desks had our scribbled FLAME game, the famous crushes with a icky heart emoji in the middle, the value of Pi that was too volatile to remember and never the less, the ‘Da Vinci’ sketches of each other and our teachers. The joy of calling ‘ASALAMUALIKUM AUNTY’ in chorus and the merriment of achieving a star on the title page of chapters. That life was nonpareil.

That phase ended.

I delightfully welcomed the teenage hood. A chapter where you eventually learn the meaning of the word privacy. The urge and turmoil suppressed the innocence or allow me to call it, ignorance of childhood and I discovered my self in detail.

That phase ended too.

And here I am today. At the brim of mature-hood, yet an ephemeral period. Remote to what I should be doing. Every single moment of reclusiveness makes me experience nostalgia of school and college days. Of people who’re no more, of opportunities which use to shine, the immortal ‘ifs’ and the withering present. I am miles away from satisfaction. Prisma, snap chat, Instagram, Facebook, twitter, whats-app – yet forsaken.

Sad no? it is. Interludes romances past more than future. It is how desperate I am to shrink and be 12 again. Arcing under expectations, wasted by grades and levels, hunting for people to talk without acting – the voids are expanding. Absences penetrate through me, like thread through a needle, everything I feel is stitched with its color. I am still not able to express what I need. There is a fire within us, no body pauses to swelter themselves at it. They pass by only seeing a wisp of smoke.

Give us time, give us a pleasing present. As much as I miss school and college, my childhood and teenage life – this phase should be no different. This age, is only a number. Painfully visible and entirely ignored. Give us space, permission to make mistakes and apologize, a lacuna to be better some other time. Don’t ask us to be best TODAY.

The most incommunicable piece I’ve ever written, comes to an end.

 

 

Advertisements

A Note To Myself.

12 Aug

Dear Me,

DEAR E

I know you’re fetching all the elfin thoughts in your mind, putting your neurons at work. Unpaid jobs are seldom sane. I can feel that right now (Bleak laugh). My brain demands steep wages once in a while. This time, the rumination is a little different.

I know that the past few months have been frenzied. The details are edgy and skittish and there is less of philosophy that can spill it out into words. Don’t induce anything, don’t compel yourself to look for ways to lessen the load. Just let it be. Your horoscopes are silent. This stage can be fugitive or eternal.

You’ve had friends darkening your moonlight. It’s okay. That’s one color of life. You’ve had expectations undergoing apoptosis. That’s okay too. They have that engraved in perfect literature. Don’t expect and be happy. You’ve had days when you were beyond your swing of pessimism and was sure that the light was on it’s way, for real. I can’t count times when I’ve seen this much consistency in your will. Thumbs up for that.

Eventually, Overthinking slayed it all. I now believe that it’s not a choice that you’ve made. It’s how you’ve been wired. This waveform that you ride by is crazy. At the Peak, you’re determined to put things into right place, and then you fall to the crest where picking up bits seems impossible. Don’t wait for this to end. The eclipse will be followed by a deathly sunset and you’ll be too inhuman to feel what it’s like to stand still and static. Nature has its fixed rules you know.

You should be glad that you gave yourself an unusual siesta, try and stretch its span in future. The fact that this is your last academic year as a typical student in an institute is provoking you to experience all the bliss that you should’ve sensed in the past 17 years. It’s too much for one year, but an overload of happiness should never return rejected. Go for it, embrace it. The odds will remain. The hitches will be painful, but this time of life will never come back!

Let this light come to you. Don’t wait for all the negativity to fly away. Monsters will visit you any how. If you’re waiting until you feel talented enough to make it, you’ll never make it.

 

Options.

21 Sep

Life is such a bleak canvas at times, when the duskiness crawls so high at angles, that the luminosity behind it shrinks. Or, We grow in peace that it is all a fantasy.

” I feel the declining love, our amity. When our passion was at it’s zenith, there was a vow. We won’t care who the world caresses. We’ll own each other. I feel a void now. emptiness. Tell me it’s a lie, just a murky stifling”

vows are meant to be broken, love is never eternal, respect merely means perfection which itself is a tall story. Our values are feeble, We embrace broken bits, enticing us to merely nothing. This realization marks the darkening of the walls around you. Thick scented walls, which snatches the feeling of empowerment from you. It is then, when you start looking for Options.

Options…….. in chunks.

 Image

Twitter twitter every where!

17 Jul

“Arey yaar! bataya tou tha chachi ke yahan janna hay” – Mr. X

“Ramdan ka tou khayal kar, kab bataya?”- Mr.Y

“Twitter pe! bus meri responsibility khatam! ab yeh mat kehna ke tu ne check nai kiya!” – Mr X

“Zahir hay, mujhe laga phone karna zyada asaan tha” – Mr. Y

The conversation proceeded with an array of taunts regarding how technologically lagging My. Y was, and how dumb it was to expect a call.

images

Thanks to twitter! It’s viral and it’s every where… Back in early 2000’s when I was in school, I remember being resistant in taking permission from my mother for an orkut profile. Then, facebook took over the social media, and now twitter.

It’s increasingly growing importance in communication clouds is impressive and thought provoking. Journalists, news channels, celebrities and students specifically update themselves and the people they know, as well as those whom they are not concerned with, via there twitter profile. There popularity is a measure of how many known/unknown people follow them on twitter, there social activism is a measure of how many RTs (Re tweets) they ACHIEVE. There coolness is a measure of there contributions to the hash tags on the top trends list, and their knowledge is a measure of how controversial they comment on tweets which are merely based on facts.

images (1)

Precisely, Twitter is your personality and your career. There are campaigns which are being carried out on it every day, and people are actually paid for it. So, unemployed people should work on developing their twitter skills. Just tweet randomly, certainly less care about how much sense your words make.

And then there are others who make very good use of it! never to ignore those sensible people who are well aware of the vacuum the social media has filled up, and utilize it’s extensive use all over the world – Tweet for a change they say!

It’s all good! Twitter, it’s use; all of it. What I ponder upon is the weight-age it carries in deciding ones’ future. After all, twitter can never replace merit.

A few years ago, I happened to attend a session of an anchor/host from Geo Television network on media education, I remember him saying that Facebook and twitter are nothing but a mere waste of time. I came back home, looked up for him on facebook and came across his fully updated facebook profile. How expected! – just wondering, didn’t he knew that the audience he was addressing had a twitter and facebook account and he can easily be looked up?

Anyways, keep tweeting. Happy Tweeting!

Interlocks

13 Jul

It’s the dawn of 4th Ramadan, I just came back home from a family Iftar dinner (opening of the fast), and seized a few moments out to pen down the emptiness and vacuum that I feel is expanding within me.

I may not be in limelight on social networking sites, I may not be the party animal in a decent gathering, but within the circle I tweet, when people unwillingly state how lucky I was, I pause and nod, with a reluctant smile. Indeed I was, but that one melancholic loophole was never hidden, that pervaded me completely, evoked and amplified by the morose remembrance of childhood…..

I missed those interlocks, I missed my family……

images

 

Sharing your heart, is one alluring thing to do. Strolling down the lanes of past over mugs of tea, laughing over amusing little habits, emerging footprints from the buried sands of past and babbling over it with people who know untold stories of yours is a matter of how lucky your life has been crafted. Achievements, success, career, job, grades. looks, they all do count, but interlocks with family is one sparkly highlight.

These wide open empty fingers of mine, when gazed upon, throws a feeling of being stuck in a stygian room. I talk to myself, but never hope for a reply, for I know, that there is no sensation of a familiar hand interlocking  my fingers, just to let me know, that they care what I share.

People, share and talk to your loved ones as much as you can, as long as they care. Keep a stock of memories to think about and smile over, for days when you might just have to talk to your self.

Engraving.

7 May

There are two basic motivating forces; fear and love. When we are afraid we pull back from life, when we are in love, we open ourselves to all what life has to offer with passion, excitement and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution  and all hopes for a better world rest in fearlessness and open hearted vision of people – who embrace life! – John Lennon

Falling in love with your own selves is not about being self-centered. It is about loving what God has created, so you can trigger tenderness and engrave life on stones, which have been hardened by people, who have failed to ardor themselves. 

Have you ever tried a cup of coffee? a diluted mug, which is sweetened less. The sugar is right within the range of your eyes, but your hands ache, clumsiness overpowers your impassioned desire for a nice strong coffee mug, and you remain glued to your chair lously, and sip off your coffee. You could have devoured it, but you settled upon mere tasteless sips. While tossing the settled coffee, you found some sugar at the base, and realized, Man! I could have had good time, even if I hadn’t stood up for sugar, I could have stirred my own cup, a little sweetness would have been amazing.

And this is how, our routine stories curl up and terminate. For the sake of your own happiness, it is wise to jerk the bulky muscles, and love your own selves. If you would have devoured that mug of coffee, it’s possible you would have offered your mom one. Right?

So engrave it on your heart! Love yourselves, and spread the scent. 

Believe me, it is fascinating.Image

Image

Omair Sana Foundation

2 Apr

” Real living is all about living for others”

Wounds which hurt you, crumple you are the pains which compel you to think about people who might confront the same misery, but are not rugged enough to collect strength. You know they’ll strive, anyone would, but not everyone would be firm to resist the bitterness, It is then when you feel mighty, and determined, to do something for them… You were broken to pieces, but you’ll shield others until you shatter.

With the same spirit, Dr. Saqib Ansari, his family and his team laid the valuable rock of Omair Sana foundation, when they lost two children due to a deadly disease, Thalassemia.

Thalassemia is hereditary blood borne disease, when the child has a particular gene encoding for it. There is retarded production of red blood cells and body produces abnormal hemoglobin. In lay man language, A thalassemia struck patient has to undergo a blood transfusion frequently, since they are naturally incapable of producing their own healthy blood.
Thalassemia major and minor patients have variant degree of severity. You can be a Thalassemia minor because it generally goes un-symptomatic or less severe showcasing of consequences, where as thalassemia major is severely impaired and may live a paralyzed life if not cared for.

Omair Sana Foundation targets such an audience, and is serving them since years. They feel for them, work for them and they have dedicated their lives to make their living normal. All they plead for is healthy blood donations, so they can transfuse safe blood to thalassemia patients and make them realize that they are normal, and deserve to be treated fairly, just like any other one.

That is a noble cause, and anyone can contribute to it by spreading awareness. Every one should carry out a thalassemia test before marriage, that would lower the ratio of disease struck newborns. It is now, our moral responsibility to join hands with foundations like Omair Sana and spread their message, donate blood as much as you can and save lives…. those sparkling eyes would always be grateful to you!

Open up your eyes feebly, and widen your horizon to see what a blessing it is to be normal. To embrace colors and flavors of life which others are devoid of. I am a medical student, and still very afraid of syringes. I can’t imagine an infant bearing that, but they actually do, in hopes of a better tomorrow!

Promise today, that you’ll be heroic and save lives just by spreading awareness about Thalassemia.

takingthemaskoff

Addiction, Mental Health, Stigma, Spirituality

Logical Quotes

You will always look back!

struggling bookworm

I love books and i talk about them here.