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Calm waters.

6 Jun

Charmed by the dishonest shore, I want to stroll in style, bare foot alongside the blueness.. I want my eyes to shrink the calmest show and treasure it with so much of energy that it can battle the wildness of anything that I might come across. Without warnings, of course.



I want my hair to waltz with the breeze, and my scarf to sway with whiff. I want the arctic water to kiss my feet and leave behind a souvenir, a sea shell that can bring me music. I want to see the finest sunset, and witness the fusion of one shade of orange into an enemy shade of purple. I want to be an eye witness to the most extra ordinary marvels of lord, in the most ordinary of situations.

Nature is sublime. But we humans are the most alluring and the most magnificent creations of Allah. We’re crowned. Then why are we so deprived of the tranquility within?

We have pigments underneath our skin, and graphs of tones and pitches grading voices. We’re born and categorized. Rich, middle class, poor. Black, white, brown. Muslim, Christian, protestant. There is so much to figure out in this non stagnant world, where do I seek calmness and peace?

I am born a human, I am going to die as a human.

Simple and logical. Keep me away from all the chaos and crowd. I am better off as a ‘Human’ and that’s what I want to be good at, this Ramadan.

Ramadan kareem. Cheers.




A moment spared…

11 Jul

It’s one silent moment, snatched from the briskness of the happenings. The swiftly accelerating rectitude owing to the arrival of the spiritually dynamic month of Ramadan has faded my color in the existence of plenty more saturated ones.

And there I was, inclined towards a misty thought, why just Ramadan, why just one month? As I leaned more towards the fact that a phrase such as “… feeling spiritual” actually exist, made me feel atrocious. Shall there be a feeling reserved for the divine? Something that should be stirred within, something that influence every breath that we take is stock piled for one month!




So I spared a moment, to Thank God for my exclusion from those people, I spread my arms wide, and promised in the presence of the brimming whiff. That every day, I’ll take a few seconds off to feel and realize that my being is Gods’ blessing.

Thank you Allah, for one more month of Ramadan. So I could ask my soul to purify it’s self with a vow. I’ll strive to be a better human.

The year 2012….

31 Dec

Former is beautiful, but the charm doesn’t cast its’ spell in an abandoned moment. It has to flicker, sink and triggered if the delicacy has to be extracted.

I saw the final sunrise of 2012. Knowing I turned 19, I have two dear ones battling with deadly diseases, knowing that freshness has crumpled and might has reduced, believing that a chapter has faded so I could begin a new story,alive and sensitive to all the happenings of the gone-by year, I welcome 2013!

just a glimpse of 2012

just a glimpse of 2012

Amid the routines, the thoughts of re-joining university tomorrow and the attire which has to be worn at a spiritual gathering today, I find it necessary to take out some time to just reflect back to what tweaks and whirls this going bye year has blessed me with… It has been a short journey, ironic and meaningful.

I ended college, with tears, prayers and gripes of hopes that I will always have strings of my heart attached to it. It was painful, blue and bitter to let go of people and a place where you were awarded with respect and unconditional affection. It was not merely a campus where I studied to grab a good percentage, it was a place where I learned and practiced the key of life; Balance.

I attended CBMUN 2012, I was sent as a delegate of Germany to UNSC and was fortunate enough to get the best delegate award, by a man whose intellect has inspired me to a high extent. It’s hard to imagine the unfettered ecstasy to be honored by a figure, so valuable to you. The confidence, the unknown presence of the hidden something (something I still don’t know off) and the company it bought to me will always remain irreplaceable.

Marking the end of my college examinations, were the travelling opportunities. I love travelling, seeing and experiencing the aroma and sway of diverse scents of air, every single emotion that crosses the road touches me. The anxiety, the sleepless nights, the uncomfortable beds, the clothing dilemma, every single thing…. But I came across a non-neglect-able reality that a true companion can make the worst journeys’ the best.

Following it were the bits and pieces that oriented bags of experience and pleasures towards me. The farewell, the job, reunions, and what not, but the hue was dis balanced when I came across the news of the brutal health issues confronted by my loved ones. It was shattering, indeed.. but we pulled through it somehow, by the grace of Almighty.

Next came the stress and tension of medical university examinations,   probably the worst days of 2012, but I got into KMDC. My desired destination, Now I am doing Bachelors in dental surgery (:

“That is it” – I whisper to myself.

“That isn’t!” – declared the inner voice… ” you forgot to apologize and thank, left behind the two golden rules already?”

“I haven’t…  Thank you, thank you ALLAH, for being my internal strength, for being      the guiding one, the kind one…

and thank you to Mama, Papa and Mayu for chasing me, standing tightly right by me, thank you Marit Otholt (Maggie) my best friend for holding on to me, for being important and unforgettable. Thank you Ms. Anne and Ms, Ambreen, for being close-to-heart teachers. Thank you Firasat Baji for listening to me, Thank you to Zahara for reading and loving my blogs, for praying, for the incredible person she is and finally Thank you to my college and School buddies, Rukhsar, Salima, Sundas, Sara, etc…. you all mean a lot to me!

And A huge sorry for not being the best of anything, I am sorry, deeply for the wounds that deepened or were caused by me. I am sorry if I ever broke a long, looked-after-ed dream, I am sorry if I made anyone cry! I ask for forgiveness……

Good Bye 2012 (:

The Guidance…( I hear you)

22 Sep

The Guidance…( I hear you).

3 Ramadan – 22 Ramadan. Encountering the real LIFE.

11 Aug

Within these days, my life just flipped around. The serene landscapes were conquered by stormy winds at a flip of a coin. Seriously. All what we see on news every day, hear about, talk about, and apologize for may actually be real. Occasionally,  we observe world health day, earth day, Thalassemia day, etc which practically mean nothing to us, but it will when you will fell sick, when the world climate is going to change dramatically and wipe us out from the map, when we, God forbid would experience being a Thalassemia patient, etc. Did you reach where I am standing right now? I hope so.

My cousin sister is diagnosed of stage IV Burkit Leukemia. It was not even in our conscious minds, non of us thought of it, ever. Cancer was nothing more than a gloomy topic for us over which we twisted our facial expression for a fraction of a second, prayed and switched back to our normal mode. But now, when we feel the pain of having a loved one in this deadly reign… we know how it pinches. It hurts, really bad!

Times pulsates, it oscillates, and so did our hearts. We couldn’t let the brutality of the time snatch our beautiful relationship. Outreaching every possible solution, we navigated, we prayed, we paid, we cried, and we gave rise to our hope and trust in divine.

This Ramadan, Life taught me how real it is. Yes it is hurling wind, it is hopeful sunrise, it is a truthful prayer, it is human! – sigh. 


2 Ramadhan – I realized what I missed!

22 Jul

I slept lightheartedly last night,at peace with my self and every one around. Before going to bed, I felt a firefly buzzing around me. I seldom notice tiny common happenings around, but I payed inevitable attention to this tiny creature, for unknown reason. I saw it struggling, I saw it searching, I felt unrest, I noticed an element of search in its activity and in the very next moment, switched my eyes towards the dark painted sky.

The lightening bug and I shared so much in common. We had common themes of living. Its surprising that we are surrounded by modified mirrors at every instant, but we being blind never get to see the theory behind our existence. That’s a pity.

I learned today that I have spent a huge portion of my life in disgrace. I had indication sprinkled around me like molecules of air, but I ignored every single hint. I had people I could do deeds of kindness for, I had spare time I could pray in, I wasted opportunities which could have helped me explore my self and what not. It’s not only spiritual, it’s practical. It makes sense, completely.

So, no more wasting of life! from today on-wards I would do some thing worth in every single breath I take. May it be a small prayer. May it be building a huge empire. 🙂


Ramadhan Trial – an intense migration within the soul.

21 Jul

Ramadhan Trial - an intense migration within the soul.

The first blush of the sun is visible onto the wide canvas, as the day peeps in, silently yet visibly, after Sehri (breakfast).

It’s 1st Ramadan (Saturday) here in Pakistan, and here I am beside my laptop ready to drop a note,living up to my promise which I made to myself a few days back, an oath to learn and be grateful for the blessings poured on me by ALLAH, specially in this Holy month of Ramadhan.

Firstly, Ramadhan Kareem everyone! may this month revive your soul, and assist you in confronting that pure, sin-free living sculpture inside you, which was created by the divine merely for the sake of love. Human! you were loved by the creator, I was held high, and desired and so, was bought to life. That’s an amazing feeling, it brings back life to me. 🙂

So, on the very prestigious first day of this holy month, I read an article in the Urdu Magazine titled “Hijrat Ka Sikandar” by Tariq Baloch Sehrai. He conveys an enchanting message and a lesson to the world by writing “Bara Banne ke liye Banda Rab ko nahi, Rab Bande ko chunta hay.” Translation: It is the divine who chooses a human to be uphold-ed, not the human. Glorious words, deeply exhilarating, and so true!

Our lives are enigmas. We know there is a director of our movie somewhere, yet we think we get to choose our role, our dialogues, our position, and our fate. But that merciful never forgets that the actor/actress should be given his/her space and time to learn and they have the right to be forgiven, for they stumble to fall near God.

Today, I learned that I have to trust God’s plans. Despite of the extreme leaps of non-gratefulness, If he could grant me such an amazing life, I am sure I can trust him for my days ahead. Life is God’s present, and I’ll live it his way. 🙂 Happy Fasting.


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